Cheating Arab Husband June 6, 2010Posted by arabmentruth in Uncategorized.
Tags: abusive arab marriage, Cheating
Another story of a Muslim American who endured a lot of abuse from her Arab husband who was cheating on her. She was also asking for help in Zawaj.com :
I am an American Muslimah and my husband is an Arab Muslim. We have been married for. over three years now; we met in Asia. We have a. child together.. The problems surfaced. early on. My. husband was never really interested in sex even from the beginning. We would go for weeks and then months without sex. He. would always tell. me that it was because he had too much stress (He wasn’t working steadily) and it ruined his sex drive.. I became pregnant about six months after our marriage and after. he became even more distant, spending all of his time outside with friends or online. After the birth of my son. I was diagnosed with trichomonas and I had. asked him. whether or not he had been unfaithful.. He. staunchly denied this of course, telling me that he must have had it before we met. Later. I found out that he’d been. doing nothing but sleeping around with many different women. although he. practically refused to touch me.. I questioned his motives for being with me because of my nationality and the fact that he has a fixed obsession with Asian women. (I’m not Asian.) He seemed to have no. desire for me but. he kept insisting that he loved everything about me.
We then moved to his country.. He was spending all of his time online. I became suspicious after I saw him using two different email accounts that I never knew about before. There were. online chats with women and online profiles (Myspace etc.) in which he declared himself as ‘single’ and all of his friends Asian women.. I’d checked the computer history and found that he had been watching porn. I knew that he had been. masturbating regularly when he thought I was asleep. Still he wouldn’t touch me. After I’d caught him watching porn we had huge arguments and I sent him many angry emails referring to his refusal to give me my Islamic rights. My suspicions culminated in the discovery. of pictures and email exchanges with a Filipino woman that he had been sleeping with for six months while I was pregnant.. . In a rage I had destroyed all of his clothes and packed my bags to leave but he sweet talked me into staying. I ended up moving to another room with my baby and I stopped doing laundry and cooking for my husband. I had pleaded and threatened and fed up, I. had asked for a divorce many times. but he would never give me a divorce. The help I sought from Islamic sources was all in vain. No one helped me in trying to. divorce this man.. I put my trust only in ALLAH and continued to make doaa that Allah would touch his heart to see how he was hurting me. We stopped talking to each other and my daily routine was as if I lived alone.
I tried everything to get him to open up to me and tell me why he didn’t want sex with me but he never said anything.. I finally got fed up after finding out about his relations with one woman after the next and since I couldn’t get a divorce,. I just left. him to go back to my country (which he has no visa to enter). He. didn’t want to stay in his country; since the day we’d moved there he kept plotting. how to go back to Asia. So he’d. moved to Asia for ‘business’ but still refused a divorce. He’d insisted that once he set up his business he would send for my son and me and we would patch things up, but five months passed with me living with my mother and nothing ever came to pass.
Three months ago, he landed himself in jail and begged me to come to support him, so as a dutiful Muslim wife I decided to be patient and stand beside him. I came to live in his apartment and found more evidence that he had been sleeping around even though he insisted that he wanted to make things work with me.. He was still in contact with the. Filipino woman, whom he said was blackmailing him for money. She insisted that my husband was never sexually satisfied. with me and he only stayed because he was dreaming of going to America. He told me that he never said anything about me to the woman and he beat her when she asked about me. He said that the woman was lying and. wanted to hurt me because. she was jealous of me. She was in love with him (which she admitted to me) and she wanted him to marry her but he used her for sex.
He is. telling me that being in the jail has changed him, that he is closer to Allah and that he has woken up from Shaytan’s hold on him, making salat regularly and reading Qur’an all the time. He told me this is the first time that he’s being honest with me,. that he was addicted to porn-style sex because every woman he ever slept with since he left his country he had sex that way. He respected me too much to try it with me and he was ashamed to try but he couldn’t get turned on by normal sex. Now he wants to open a new page in our relationship and try things and be honest with me, but my heart has become hardened because of the pain this man has caused me. I feel. dirty to think about him touching me after his sleeping around.
My life has been hell since. this marriage. He has shattered my self-esteem and my desire for sex. I often harbor evil thoughts about Asian women in general. He was such a liar. that I don’t know how to believe him and open my heart to him again. How can I move forward? “
I wonder who told these women that putting up with infidelity and abuse is required in Islam ? . I’ve seen it so many times from all Muslim women (born or converted). They seem convinced that staying in a bad , abusive marriage is a requirement to be dutiful Muslim wives. What kind of message are these women sending to their daughters , I wonder ?